anyway, i'm here right now. right here. and i've been spending a good deal of time looking through http://f0x.tumblr.com/ .... she's an amazing photographer and writer and i've been following her for a few years on deviantart. i wish i was popular enough to maintain that kind of thing. hahaha. whatever, though. i don't mind being lonely, either. mayhaps i'll get a tumblr. looks fun and you can put whatever you want on it. or maybe i'll just figure out how this blog thingy works before i totally give up on it.
on that subject, it's awfully difficult to give up on things you love, but sooo easy to let go of things you aren't passionate about. i just quit school. two art classes. drawing and hand-built clay. that's all right... i wasn't really expecting much. good thing i didn't just run head first into art school. that would be wasting more money. and i let go of my blue knights family. i have my reasons. DO NOT give me a hard time. it was the most difficult decision i've ever had to make. don't be that asshole. anyway. honestly, i'm not sure if i could really let my heart out that easy anymore. it's such a beautiful activity, drum corps, and it peels away bits and pieces of your heart every time you generate a wonderful performance as a group. it's like music finds its way from your heart into someone else's. takes a lot out of you. i just feel so empty in regard to the activity right now... i loved it.
1. finding a performance stride. once we finally figured out how to really make magic, that's when we all got really close. it's a beautiful thing, and it's what sets some drum corps higher than others. no, it's not necessarily talent going in (though that does help a lot), but even with talent, it's not gonna mesh unless the performers do, too.
2. cook staff/souvie truck/drivers/volunteers. god, love those guys. anyone who dedicates their time to the activity selflessly is a winner in my book. it's hard, because drum corps really isn't out there. nobody knows what you're doing, or why you're doing it. anyone who can understand and support the magic that we make is an amazing person.
3. mark arnold. probably the most compassionate and understanding man i've ever met. if there's anyone who deserves their corps to win, it's this guy.
4. crying. cry, let it all out. the best feeling is putting everything you have out there for people you don't even know, and being completely spent after the most amazing show of your life.
5. people. funny how we all grow up in such different environments but can band together for one distinct passion. and in the end, essentially, make love through performance. i think it's beautiful.
but there were parts i didn't love, too-- they CAN be fixed (mostly):
1. biased judges. need i say more? eleventh place was bullshit, we were the cleanest we'd been in years.
2. cat fights. back of the bus vs. front of the bus. bickering about who can't march well. what the fuck? we are a family for three months out of the year. please act like it. it's not a joke when it hurts. i almost quit finals week for that bullshit. cut it out, guys. we're so much better than that.
3. awful awful logistics. "hey, guys, wake up, get off the bus. we woke you up to tell you to go to sleep. have fun." no. i firmly believe top drum corps do so well because they get 8 hours of floor time almost every time. not stupid naps in the middle of the day. sorry, and making us stay up late to clean the buses the night before the most important performance? yes, we're conditioned athletes. but it's still fucking mean.
4. communication problems between staff members. uhh, sully, wait, what was the technique?
5. bickering between corps. if we're all fighting for the same thing, why are we bashing each other? it's jealousy, folks. madison scouts/masculine doubts? come on, dudes. we are all part of an extraordinary experience. act like it. grow up a little. and so what if we scored higher than phantom in brass, or beat SCV once? okay, it feels fucking great. yeah. but bragging is such an awful habit to take up. we're no better than anyone else. in fact, the only difference in the winners' experiences is a shiny ring. big deal. we could make our own fucking rings if we wanted and everyone would want in on that shit, right?
6. cost. not that it can be helped. it's just an unfortunate reality.
just how it goes, i guess.
after that public service announcement, i want some brownies. not like... special, or whatever just.... oh, forget it.
i think i'll move home sooner than i planned. the only reason i'm really still up here is because i love living with my sister, and i'm close to my boyfriend. but hey, if we have all the time in the world, i could move home and start working. probably a smarter idea.
even more intelligent is gonna be me blowing my first paycheck on a new tattoo. i have a big feeling that's gonna happen.
here's my first one.
already hankering for another, i suppose. here we go, hahaha.
some ten day challenge to keep me focused on my blog, because nothing else is going on in my stupid life.
one. ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
two. nine things about yourself.
three. eight ways to win your heart.
four. seven things that cross your mind a lot.
five. six things you wish you'd never done.
six. five people who mean a lot.
seven. four turn-offs.
eight. three turn ons.
nine. two smileys that describe your life right now.
ten. one confession.
maybe i'll do it tomorrow. ahaha. or later tonight. we'll see. i hope to make better use of this silly blog.
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