day one.

hmmmm.


well, here i am. what else do you need? a tap dance? a lap dance?
inappropriate, sorry. i'll try to keep everything g-rated (g-string rated.....). in any case, i'm not entirely sure why i'm doing a blog, or why i'm not capitalizing anything at all. i figured i'd deliberately copy some cool people and start writing about things that i really can't figure out. poetry, pictures, whatever. this is (basically) an online journal with a few hints of anonymity. i'm not sure. we'll see.

topic for today:
who am I????

okay, basics. why not appearances. sure.
5'5" (but every time the doctors measure me, it's different. don't know why, because i haven't grown in at least five years). blond (or red or blue or black or pink). hazel (though they look like supernovas, according to my favoritest short person in the wholewideworldever). 140-150 (don't know where it hides). people say i look like my mom (which is awesome).

i am absolutely, without a doubt, average. i've never been hit on by a stranger, nor have i had the courage to do so myself. i want my hair to go down to my butt so it swills the toilet water. i want my teeth to be whiter. i want to be shorter so average feats look superhuman. i want i want i want.

i do, however, have pretty hands and feet. that's about all i have to my name.

it's cloudy outside, as it has been for the last month. i'm not in seattle. what's going on, colorado?

i live with my beloved sister and her boyfriend of seven (SEVEN) years. together, we share five cats, two dogs, three guinea pigs, two rabbits, a lizard, a bearded dragon, and about twenty fish. i only personally own a cat and a dog. we're trying to get rid of some animals on craigslist, but it's slow-going. i should put my xbox 360 up on craigslist because i only use it when people don't talk to me. and once i go to school in january, that will not be an issue. i will no longer be the hermit of northern colorado.

i have never been up-to-snuff romantically. i cling. you don't want me, and don't try to convince yourself of that. if you think you do, just wait a couple months until the sheen wears off. i'm an awful girl. and that's just fine with me.

i spend my summers running around, getting yelled at, and sweating profusely. oh, and making thousands of people leap out of their seats in absolute joy. i don't know what i will do when i'm done in three years. or how i'll cope. i miss the age-out bar by three days. isn't that something? so i will get five years instead of six. and that's okay, i think my body told me after the first that it's a really bad idea (broke my hip, but came back for seconds). ask me why, and i won't be able to tell you. i love crying and goosebumps and sore muscles and swollen lips. i love andy smart and brett nelson and horn sergeants and people who literally make me want to just give up. i love the whole dirty, sweaty game, even the awful judges and biased scores and horn dents. it's like gargling toilet water. love it or hate it, but you're crazy for doing it.

i don't smoke, i don't drink. i don't sleep around. i am not entirely sure who i am. could you tell me?????? please? i don't drive. ever. i don't have a job, though i've been applying ever since i moved in here and can't afford the rent. my savings is going out the window. i'm going to school to get an emt-basic certificate.

i don't really have plans for my life. i want to be a writer. or a firefighter. neither of them seem very possible at this day in age. so. we'll see. for now, i sit in a comfy computer chair, check my phone every five minutes, and coo at the fluffy, anxious monster that sighs at my feet.

i think i prefer this internet journal to my handwritten ones (that i always give away to a boy who probably doesn't know where to hide them all). just after i started fixing my awful chicken scratch, yeah? i've always had an affection for quick word placements and the comforting hum of a happy computer. maybe i'm just a huge geek. i dunno.

love you.